Friday, February 23, 2007

Down with ROFL

Two posts in one day! Take that Stu! That'll teach you to take me off your link list!

So I do a lot of IMing and as anyone who instant messages much, I've picked up several abbreviations that I use: brb is "be right back," IMO is "in my opinion," IMHO is the ridiculous version of IMO and stands for "in my honest opinion" (can you have a dishonest opinion?) and of course when something is funny there's lol or "laugh out loud." If something is really funny (or moderately funny for Steve Lyon) then you type ROFL which is "rolling on the floor laughing."

I can't speak for everyone, but I very rarely laugh out loud when I'm just reading something. In fact, even in really funny movies I rarely laugh out loud. And the last time I can remember rolling on the floor laughing was as a small child when my dad would tickle me 'till I couldn't breath (if you want to lol about this then listen to Dane Cook's bit on tickling).

For people like me, I'd like to introduce a new abbreviation that I for one am going to start using: ctm. It stands for "chuckling to myself." Sure, it might be kind of a pain at first as I have to explain it to everyone, but I only have a total of like 40-50 people in my messenger list and I only really IM regularly with maybe half those and then only half again ever type anything to make me ctm, so it won't be so bad. Maybe I'll just create a macro command that automatically pastes a link to this post so I don't have to type the explanation everytime.

Anyway, from now on, I'm standing for honesty in IM abbreviations. If I type ctm in an IM to you, you made me smile and chuckle to myself. If I type lol, you'll know you said something really funny that made me actually laugh out loud. And if you catch me typing ROFL then you better come find me quick because either someone has highjacked my IM ID or I've fallen prey to some sort of deranged tickle maniac who is strong enough to hold me down and tickle me 'till I can't breathe.

Mama said knock you out!

Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve posted to my blog that I doubt anyone will even read this. Nevertheless, I’m going to try and start posting again. After being shown up by my wife and little sister, I’ve decided that I’m a pretty pathetic excuse for an aspiring writer. How do I ever expect to finish a screenplay or novel if I can’t even make an occasion blog post? Depressing ☹

Okay that’s out of my system. On to other things that are bothering me—number one on my list for today: knocking people unconscious. Why don’t I know how to do this? According to television and movies, this should be relatively easy to do, but I’m not sure how. Evidently, it involves a good blow to the head. Blows to the head are something I have a lot of personal experience with, yet I must be missing something as I’ve never been knocked unconscious or knocked someone else unconscious.

In the movies, anyone and everyone seems to know how to do this in a manner that not only effectively incapacitates the desired target for several hours, but also does no permanent damage other than perhaps a painful headache. In an episode of Prison Break I watched recently, four different people were knocked unconscious by three other people within the course of a 45 minute show. Of the four, all of them were conscious and fine within a matter of hours. Do I need to go to prison to learn this skill?

In a snowboarding crash, I once hit my head so hard that I lost three days of my memory (which could be a useful blow to master in and of itself) but I still never lost consciousness (or at least that's what witnesses tell me; I don't remember). I’ve had multiple concussions that left me extremely nauseated and dizzy for a couple of days, but again, I remained conscious through each one.

And it’s not just me. I’ve known several people who’ve experienced pretty severe head trauma without losing consciousness. Why is it that movie folk can take any blunt object and instantly incapacitate whomever they wish without causing them permanent damage or killing them? Seriously, think about this over the course of the next few movies and tv shows you watch. I can almost guarantee you’re going to see it. The two exceptions are Homer Simpson and Barney Gumble who are evidently very resistant to being knocked out by a blow to the head, but extremely susceptible to being knocked out by mass quantities of Duff.

The writers of these films and shows either need to come up with more creative ways of incapacitating people, or they need to call me up and explain how it’s done so that I can have that skill too. It’s only fair.